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The Hilarious Comedy Behind John Boehner's "Plan B"

I am laughing right now, really.

I am laughing because of what happened last week. I am laughing that House Speaker John Boehner's "Plan B" for the Fiscal Cliff wasn't even voted on.

Why not? I can't imagine – it had all the right stuff.

According to Mr. Bonehead's website, "The bill focuses on stopping waste, fraud, and abuse in federal programs, eliminating government slush funds (including an ObamaCare slush fund), and reducing waste and duplication in government bureaucracies."

And that was just the trash talk about cutting wasteful spending in the bill. He also wanted a tax cut for Americans making under a million dollars a year. I'm for that!

So what's making me laugh, when on the surface the bill seems to make some sense?

It's what you can't see (because most of it is hidden, or if it's there it's buried) that's funny. In fact, two things in the bill are so funny that they almost brought me to tears.

Let's go have a laugh together.

First, because House Republicans want to cut wasteful spending, they offered to cut funding for the newly minted Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Brilliant!

We don't need more oversight of money-grubbing schemers or consumer protection from banks and money…oh, I said that already.

The House bill wanted to tether the CFPB's budget to Congressional appropriation, on account of the fact that they want to slice it and dice it, and, yes, kill it. That's an elegant way to bludgeon it to death.

How is the CFPB funded now? Oh, it gets an automatic percentage of the Federal Reserve Board's operating expense budget. Where does that come from? Don't even get me started on that one. Although, considering the kind of stuff that gets ourreaders going…Okay, you got it. I will cover that for you in detail in the near future – and you will love it!

Back to what's so funny about Plan B.

Second, because House Republicans want to cut wasteful spending, they offered to eliminate the Office of Financial Research. Why that obscure little office? Because that's where the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform & Consumer Protection Act provided for the breakup of too-big-to-fail banks that actually fail (is that an oxymoron, or just moronic?) by means of an Orderly Liquidation Authority.

House Republicans, with the filthy hands of their puppeteer masters – the morons from the TBTF banks – showing below the top of the curtain above where they rattle and hum, are saying there's savings in cutting them thar stupid rules.


To understand why I'm laughing, you have to get my humor. And to get that, all you have to understand is that there is nothing to cut

See, back in April when the Republican-led House Financial Services Committee tried to ram this through in the Sequester Replacement Reconciliation Act of 2012 – that went nowhere – they calculated there would be $22 billion in savings if you eliminated the Orderly Liquidation Authority.

But there is no $22 billion.

There is no cash-flow from any part of that Authority to cut. There may be some tiny savings from eliminating the tiny budget (it's not established yet) of the Office of Financial Research, but there ain't no $22 billion!

What there is, if that's cut out, is a toll-free highway for the TBTF banks to keep growing and to never, ever, ever, be challenged or threatened with being dismantled.

Which is okay with me. Why? Just because I love to laugh.

Why am I laughing? Because the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC) just had a closed-door "convention" to talk with bank directors about how safe the banks really are.

Nineteen of the country's biggest banks were looked at, and guess what? They all failed.

That's why I'm laughing – they all failed.

Do you get it? That's funny. The too-big-to-fail banks all just failed an OCC stress test. Come on, that's funny!

Again, it's what's behind the closed doors that's funny.

The OCC now thinks it has to put far more importance on testing banks' compliance policies, on operational risks, and on strategic and reputation risks. They now think that's more important than testing bank's credit and interest rate exposures, asset price exposure, trading activity, and liquidity risks. Brilliant!

According to Mike Brosnan, an OCC veteran who heads large bank supervision, "For the first time in my life, we actually say this basket of risks is more important, and more of a priority for the system to deal with, than asset quality, liquidity, interest rate risk and trading activities." He told The American Banker, "It makes us uncomfortable as examiners, because it's not how we were trained."

Now, that's funny! These guys are now going to concentrate on stuff they're not even trained in? You just can't make this stuff up.

"Plan B". That was funny to start with. It's even funnier that it didn't get to see the light of a "No" vote.

But what's really funny is what's going on behind closed doors for the soul of our economy and the safety of our savings (what savings?) and our pensions (what pensions?) and our future (what future?).

Really, I am laughing because it's better than crying.

I hope you are, too

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About the Author

Shah Gilani is the Event Trading Specialist for Money Map Press. He provides specific trading recommendations in Capital Wave Forecast, where he predicts gigantic "waves" of money forming and shows you how to play them for the biggest gains. In Zenith Trading Circle Shah reveals the worst companies in the markets - right from his coveted Bankruptcy Almanac - and how readers can trade them over and over again for huge gains. He also writes our most talked-about publication, Wall Street Insights & Indictments, where he reveals how Wall Street's high-stakes game is really played.

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  1. Peter Rabbit | December 26, 2012's a joke. I viewed Plan B as a brilliant "fake punch" to Obama's last minute "mini-campaign" trips spewing Hate and Lies about Repubs. This allowed Repubs the opportunity to buy time keeping Obama occupied waiting for Repubs response with the "fake punch", And let Americans see Obama jetting off to Hawaii for 2 weeks on the $10M travel and Mansion on the Beach. Well it's time for Huge Federal employee and State employee Unemployment in the Public Sector. The Private Sector Unemployment has felt the Pain from the time Obama took office.

    Peter Rabbit's prediction for 2013-2014 — "Pivot to Asia and Pacific Fleet"..War with China in a Proxy nation…millitary war. The economic war has been raging and China has taken the Producer Jobs. America will do what Avericans do, FIGHT FOR FREEDOM and Prosperity with Guns and Ammo, and Nukes. This will Freeze cash flow and investment in China by the and cash will flow back to the Safe nation..America. yep..War 101.

    • DD | December 26, 2012

      Peter Rabbit – the US will LOSE this war. Fate and the grace of God will not allow such a greedy country to succeed. American's do not fight for freedom, there are too many sheep in this country to do that. More and more rules are being laid down, yet I don't very many American's fighting against this. All people ultimately fight for freedom wherever you come from – No-one like to be a slave or dictated too.

  2. Bryan | December 26, 2012

    This coming collapse is intended to bring in this global system that will take away our might as a nation and we will be enslaved to this world power our freedom is fast leaving us and the sad part is most people are asleep or dont care we have had it so good for so long we think it will always be like this Bryan k.

  3. Jose | December 26, 2012

    I am laughing at all the police who spent their life working for peanuts while chasing down and shooting at marijuana users. I laugh because I know that their pensions will be gone when they retire. And this laugh is not a substitute for crying, it is a real heart-felt laugh.

    • Attila | December 26, 2012

      Police working for peanuts? The joke is even better than you say; police working for top dollar, courtesy of public sector unions, bankrupting local and state government, and THEN facing a retirement considerably less overcompensated. Dont forget, when the shooting starts, which side they will be on.

  4. noseitall | December 26, 2012

    This is exactly why we need balance in government. The Republicans and Democrats are equally beholden to their wealthy benefactors, and will use the taxpayers' money to protect them. We need an equal number of crooks on each side to keep an eye on each other.

    • DoktorThomas | December 29, 2012

      Balance in government requires the elimination of all Democrooks and Republicons from public office. That is the only "save the nation" option.

  5. Cp | December 26, 2012


  6. vicktor | December 26, 2012

    Fiscal Cliff, BS, follow the Italians, where Ponzie originated and shows us how it all can work again!!.

  7. Attila | December 26, 2012

    Funny how the left gets to shift the blame; the Dodd – Frank bill setting up the agencies like Shah now blames the Republicans for was strictly a creature of the left. It was opposed by most conservatives from the beginning. The big banks Shah is talking about virtually all support Democrats and are first at the trough for benefits, altho the Democrats with the aid of their bootlick media, claim the opposite. Shah is one of those "insiders" who are deluded into thinking that regulations imposed from above will ever be of benefit to anyone other than big banks, big corporations, and big unions and expensive for the rest of us.

  8. Alan | December 26, 2012

    I am neither laughing or crying….just pondering the Top 15 ETF's on this site that show how the tide has shifted to various Japan ETF's. And that is after reading the main topic of the day to "stay away" from this society that is deeply in trouble, unproductive, and has an extremely low birth rate.

    Just thinking and pondering who is right.

  9. bill miller | December 26, 2012

    is it pronounced Boehner boner or bonehead

  10. David A. Wynsen | December 26, 2012

    I believe it is difficult to know with any certainty which party is inarguably correct — or even on the public's side, for that matter. But what might be easy to prognosticate is that something less than wonderful is afoot, politically. And what is now clearly indicated is for the knowledgeable public to be even more wary of Washington. Simply put, the pols have proven — yet again — they cannot be trusted. But how do we fix this? I believe a good portion of the answer lies in strict (and short) term limits. Let's remove the lengthy public trough, the obscene bribes masquerading as coordinated contributions, then regain public control. Lastly, I could be interested in listening to the pros/cons of a 'voter competency test.' That is, prove you know the issues, their costs, and their consequences to the Nation. Votes have consequences. Shouldn't we demand that voters understand those consequences — all sides? When this nation began, I suspect the majority of voters were deeply interested in answers to the questions: Who? What? When? and Why? Also, we should not disenfranchise the less-than-knowledgeable public. Instead, we should make the job of the voting public easy and clearly understandable; plain and simple English (the language of the Land) should be required. English education should be made available to those needing it. If we're honest, why would we want to do less than this?

    • Tim | December 27, 2012

      Shorter terms = More elections. More elections = More money. More money = More corruption. If we want to improve our political system, we need to find a way to reduce or minimize the influence that big money doners have on the system. I agree, the general public is clueless, which is why the barage of political adds that we are subjected to can be so effective in changing public opinions and deciding elections.

      The biggest problem I see with our system is that the foxes are in charge of the hen house. As long as the foxes are making decisions based upon what benefits themselves and their largest donors the most, sadly nothing will change.

  11. Jcl Neo | December 27, 2012

    Yes, many police work for top dollar. Their full compensation package including; early retirement, defined benefit retirement, cradle to grave health insurance, paid overtime, etc., etc. is far better than the private sector. The average private sector working person gets none of this and has to work until 66. Also, federal employee wage and benefit packages average more than 30% higher than the private sector.

    This system is not sustainable. Cities, counties, and States will go broke (not to mention the Federal Govt). We are headed toward a "Greece" scenario. Know that I am a staunch Democrate. I see that the monetary system as we know it will collapse in less than 10 years if we continue on the same path.

  12. Ruol | December 27, 2012

    The sky is falling… The sky is falling… The sky is falling…

  13. Thomas Green | December 27, 2012

    The two jokes here are you and Sheikh Obama.

  14. rolf | December 28, 2012

    bring back the OTTOMAN EMPIRE

  15. Dan Ezra | December 28, 2012

    Not bad for the KNIGHTS OF THE FREE MARKETS.
    The only difference between Capitalism and Communism is the name. The goal is identical, Wealth transfer from the 99.9% of the world population to the remaining 0.1%.
    In his book the "ANIMAL FARM" which was a farce on communism, George Orwell wrote:
    "All the animals are equal but the PIGS equal more.

  16. Steve | December 28, 2012

    All of this confusion is over WHAT ? Can't be THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR.. Society is stricken with have more or have not ! I've read a lot of blogs and people are blaming the few Redumicans/Demolaughs we have for this crisis but …. If someone tells me a flood is coming I don't actually need to see the water rushing towards me before I begin to make a plan for safety. PEOPLE wake up, both sides new this has been coming since Pres.Bush left. This whole public display is a BIG SHOW, but for what ? Look back at society then look forward at the future… The more eyes the more whool …. WAR DECIET PROMISES more FAT CAT CIGAR SMOKE BLOWN UP THE AMERICANS TUSHES. IT'S GONNA TAKE A MIRACLE !!! ( a BIG ONE )

  17. DoktorThomas | December 29, 2012

    Boehner is an idiot. The Republicons have no leaders and no future. Check out the Libertarians and the Constitutional Party, both are adequate replacements for the truncated mice.© 2012

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